Forgiveness can be a hard thing to master. The deeper the hurt, the harder it is.
One of the deepest hurts we encounter in our lives is caused by our own faults. We say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing or think the wrong thing and act on it … we make a mistake … and it haunts us. We go to bed thinking “I shouldn’t have said that” or “That was so stupid. Why did I do that?” and knowing that we can’t undo what we’ve done. It’s like an instant replay that won’t quit looping in our heads. It robs us of sleep, it distracts us from daily tasks, and worst of all, it keeps us from being at peace.
I’m horrible about it. I absolutely hate hurting other people. It destroys me to think that I made someone feel bad or even that I annoyed them or that I couldn’t help them when they needed it. It eats me alive. So learning to forgive myself has been a process. It still takes me a long time to work through issues that arise …
But this past week I did so. I won’t go into details about what happened. Suffice it to say it was a long running issue with another person. I wasn’t able to resolve it. I kept trying but the words always jumbled up. I could never get them out right to say what I really wanted to say in a way that they could hear them. Funny being a writer and not having the words that need to be said … but that’s what happened.
Ultimately the resolution came down to me, though. Me telling myself it was okay to have messed everything up … and forgiving myself for it. There is no greater sense of peace than coming to that point and understanding it for what it is.
Finding peace with oneself is an amazing act of compassion because once you find peace, it will spill over onto the other people in your life … big and brilliant and bold.
Don’t ever be afraid to find peace, to forgive yourself.