Today – a poem

This isn’t a poem about today because

today sucked.

Today sucked not because something bad happened

but because a whole bunch of little things

invaded my world

without the decency to be invited in

and

it pisses me off

drains my energy

enrages my passions

saddens my heart.

All I wanted to do

was write. Conjure words. Tell a story. Give life

to my characters.

But instead I battled a car wreck

a racist

an activist

a misunderstanding

and defended myself, a friend, a status, a state of being,

from attacks that were neither asked for

nor welcomed.

I just wanted to write a story

not comment on a blog, keep up with tweets, send out emails,

or coax poetry from the corners of my brain with a toothpick.

Today sucked

because of instead of loving what I love

and finding moments of compassion in the world

all I found were headaches

and heartaches.

Today sucked

because no one’s said they love me

or given me a hug

or talked to me

beyond a whine, a want, a need, a desire, a demand, an opinion.

Today sucked

because I couldn’t be me

I had to be what others demanded

of my time

of my thoughts

of my attention

of my soul.

Today sucked because

instead of sharing

what I had to give

what I wanted to give,

others took what they wanted

in bits and pieces

one at a time

clawing out my eyes and ears and heart

with fingernails sharpened

on their words and thoughts.

Today sucked.

The wounds will heal

the sounds will fade

the sights will drift away

but the words spoken and unspoken

written and read

will linger

poisoning the air I breathe

the thoughts I think

the love I hold.

I just wanted to write a story

to tell you

I loved you

but

it doesn’t matter

any more.

 

 

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