Splinters in the Brain

Tears and dead flower petals

fall to the floor

in equal measure these days.

I just want “this” to end,

to go away,

to stop being so … all consuming.

I don’t care that I ever cared

for you and

I fail to understand how

you still think I do

enough to play games

and create multiple twitter accounts

with weird names

posting offbeat “poetry”

lamenting love gone wrong

and tell me, yet again,

how it’s over and done.

Your days of writing intensively

playing online

promoting yourself

and the world you created

is but a blur to me.

For my world is filled

with ever repeating conversations

about things that happened

in a totally different way

and finding things lost

and taking care of the person

who should be taking care of me

and friends who wait patiently

for me to return

to whoever I was before

grief smothered my world.

But I will never be that person again

and I fear … yes I fear …

I will lose even them

in the darkness.

I can not see

you

or the skeleton hand

resting in mine

Ridges outline my pain

in the sand

on the beach

where my dad will walk

for all eternity

picking up shells

chasing tiny fish

watching the sunrise

orange and fiery setting the world

ablaze

and I wish, I wish

I could go with him

because without him

my world is splintered

into fragments piercing

my skull with so many holes

I feel like a sieve.

I will never be whole again

or able to contain

anything akin to love

or memories

or … life …

 

 

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