The Older I Get

The older I get the far less tolerance I find I have for many things in this world.

Actually, that’s not quite true. Things are okay. Things don’t bother me. People bother me. People with attitudes bother me. People who can’t drive bother me. People who are rude bother me. Narcissistic people bother me most of all. And those who kiss butt/brown nose/suck up.

But I’ve come to a realization of sorts … no matter what your dream or how long you’ve had it or how successful you are at achieving it or how hard you’ve worked for it, someone will always get there faster, with less work, and far more support and praise even if they suck at it or know nothing about what they are doing.

And … there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

As a writer I was reminded today of several reasons I fit the job description. 1) I’m grumpy. 2) I hate commuting. 3) I’m so introverted that Skype calls make me anxious. 4) If something can go wrong I can imagine ten ways it will be worse and convince myself that they will all happen. 5) I love to write.

I do love to write. I just don’t fit in to the writing world in which I must fit in to be accepted and published and all that stuff. I’ve tried to fit in. I’ve done the conferences, attended the workshops, joined the critique groups, volunteered to help out, supported other writers, shook hands, listened attentively, taken classes, done research, played the social media game … all to find that more often than not at the end of the day I just want to go home and never see these people again in my entire life.

That sounds horrid. Surely not everyone is that bad, right?

Well, yeah. I mean, I like some people. I keep up with some people. But there’s usually no rhyme or reason for it.

It’s just that some people in this business have this plan all worked out. They review for people, work their social media, take the right courses, submit to the right publications, etc … They set themselves up to be in the right place at the right time with the right folks so they can move ahead. And when I meet these people I can see this plan in everything they do. They are working it with a vengeance. And usually they find some success in doing so.

But it’s all so fake to me. If you don’t like these people, why play games with them? What is the point?

Which takes me back to being bothered. I don’t tolerate people well … fake people, people who’ve achieved something by who they know rather than by what they know or how good they are at what they do.

And yet, there’s not one damn thing I can do about it.

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