And This, Too, Is Life – Hour ONE

6:15 – get up, fall down the stairs amid 2 large dogs, coax them to sliding glass door which refuses to open because you’re too tired to remember the safety lock

6:20 – after multiple curse words that the dogs now know well send them out “to go potty”, one dog obeys although it is never the same dog while the other dog sits on the bridge over the pond and barks at invisible things

6:22 – pour glass of juice, stare aimlessly into fridge

6:30 – let dogs back in

6:32 – clean up dog pee in living room

6:34 – use more swear words and coax dogs back upstairs by rattling a plastic bag so they think they are getting treats, actually give them treats

6:38 – finally use the toilet, quickly, so the dogs can’t chew anything up while you’re gone, return to bed

6:40 – help dog onto bed, curl up under covers and wish you were independently wealthy and could sleep until you wake up naturally

6:42 – get up and help other dog onto bed

6:43 – both dogs jump off bed, one dog runs to their room and drags back a fleece blanket, a stuffed soccer ball, a crinkly lion missing one leg, and a tennis ball that squeaks

6:45 – crawl back under covers satisfied that dogs are staying on the floor

6:46 – get up, again, and help whining dog back on bed

6:48 – help other dog back on bed

6:51 – cat joins you, low-grade growling ensues from all parties including yourself

6:52 – cover up head and ignore everything

6:53 – dog itching and kicking you in back

6:54 – dog slobbers in your face to apologize, wipe off slobber, return to sleep

7:04 – alarm clock goes off, hit snooze

7:14 alarm clock rings again, quickly calculate how many minutes you can sleep if you forgo a shower/a hot breakfast/stopping at the smoothie shop before day starts



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