When life doesn’t suck …

When life doesn’t suck any more,

I hope to be back.

I hope to write

and dream

and find a place for my art

where it can rest

for all eternity

safe from the eyes

of anyone

who might wish

me harmed

by words or thoughts or deeds.

I hope

to be

again

when life doesn’t suck any more.

Pretending

If I pretend to be

Another person entirely

Does it count that we

had a conversation?

You know it’s me

Or you should, see,

Not that I made a decree

for the universe.

I just wish that we

didn’t have to pretend to be

something other than who

we were meant to be.

Rhythm

Words

Conversation

started so slow

and built over time

til a continuous flow

filled my dreams

smothered my thoughts

ended all in a horrible row

tears

and fears

and the desire for more

the knowledge of love

a soul at its core

I needed and wanted

too much to see

the rip that I tore

but now

now

a chance to heal

a move, slow and steady

with too much to feel

there’s a rhythm

a dance

to mend the cracked seal

But I’ll dance it again

any number of times

like a jukebox plugged

with thousands of dimes

I’ll wiggle and giggle

and smile and laugh

I promise this time

to roll with the gaff

I’ll make mistakes

you’ll make them too

but I’ve danced it alone

and I’d rather have you.

Flutters

I coughed, I choked

And set down my tea

He followed me back

Could it really be?

Do I believe my eyes?

Do I dare to hope?

After months without

What’s the scope?

My stomach is a-flutter

My heart jumped a mile

Could something so small

Really cause this smile?

#badsappypoetry

Chasing Dreams

Chasing dreams

I no longer want

Walking away

From this rigorous taunt

I poke, I prod, I tickle it too

But I’ll never be good enough,

Because I’m not like you

And I never get breaks

Or catch anyone’s eye

Despite all my wins

I’ll never fly

To the top of the charts

To the bestseller list

Instead I’m forgotten

Behind a new twist

And I don’t have time

To even think of it now

Because my dear sweet mom

Just ordered a sow

And I must return

To set it all straight

I’d really like to continue

But it’s just too late.

If You Ask a Question

Ask a question

Wasn’t that decisions made because of X, Y, Z?

Get an answer

I’m sorry you’re pissed off about our decision.

Um … become confused

I’m not pissed off. I asked a clarifying question.

Get accused

You must be pissed off because you questioned me and you know I would never do anything bad because I’m your friend.

Step back and take a deep breath

*silence*

Formulate a reply

Friendship has nothing to do with this. Good friends can have open and honest discussions without agreeing on everything. They can even have arguments and get upset with one another because they respect each other enough to want to hear what they have to say. And if you think I’m pissed off because I asked a question, you’ve missed the entire point of my question.

Receive answer in moments

fine

Scratch head

Scratch head some more

Eat carbs

Write words

Talk to other friends about video games

Go to bed

Lay awake wondering what they hell you ever asked a question for in the first place.

Vow to never ask questions again.

 

The Spotted Lizard

I sat on the rock at the lake today,
the wind-blown dance of the waves
sucking at my feet.

The silence of spring rushed
through the dead leaves of fall,
blue sky hanging low.

I imagined the sun warming my right side
was you, leaning close, sharing
the moment of perfection.

The guy with the yellow inflatable kayak
was there, tapping away at his tablet,
headphones plugging his ears.

I could hear you mumble, for my ears only,
“Stupid fuck. Why would anyone
destroy this with gadgets?”

And then you were gone.
The memory of a dream
planted in the folds of my mind.

A plane creased the air
rumbling through the crater
of shimmering sighs.

A bull frog groaned his complaint,
the water not yet warm enough,
the world too close.

You were too close. You saw too much,
held my heart in your hands,
my life beating away.

I wish, some days, you’d given it back.
Life would be easier
if I didn’t love you.

Because today, today was not real
and yet, I can’t erase you
from memory of it.

Today, I sat on the rock at the lake,
with you by my side, listening
to spring pregnant, glowing.

I sat on the rock at the lake today,
and cried.